Fakespeare 101

Notes written by Craig Rintoul

 

1.      Salt your speech with common Shakespearean words. (see list)

2.      Study the Shakespeare Insult Generator for inspiration.(see Insult generator)

3.      Make any word sound Shakespearean.

●        Find a more complicated synonym: Red becomes Scarlet or Crimson, Yellow is jaundiced, tall is towering, fat is corpulent

●        If you know the word in French, use it. Extra marks if you mis-pronounce it the way the English do so “Les Miserables” sounds like “Less Miz-er-ables”.

●        Add one of the following prefixes: 'a' or 'en' or 'be' (pronounced buh)

●        Add the suffix 'ed' pronounced like the name Ed. eg.  Wash becomes en-washed-ed.

 

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Other Techniques:

1.      Use compound words eg. Black-hearted, ruby-throated, pox-marked, thrice-cursed.

2.      Save the verb in sentence to the very end. “Thou hast mine hat stolen.” For 'is' or 'are' use just use the word 'be' at the sentence end. eg.“Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”

3.      Add pointless detail: “Thou hast mine finest hat of damask linen, as red as the blood on a sweet virgin's wedding night bedsheets, stolen.”

4.      Sexual Innuendo-a single horn is always a penis and two horns signifies cuckold.

5.      Parallel structure: “Two be, or not to be.”

6.      Rhetorical questions “Hath not a Jew eyes?” “Is this a dagger I see before me?”

7.      Try to get into verbal sparring matches. Simply build and repeat on what they say: “Thou art a knave.” “Thou art a feckless knave.” “Thou art a shrewish, feckless knave.” “Thou art a puss-moistened, shrewish, feckless knave.” “Thou art at a simpering, puss-moistened, shrewish, feckless knave.” etc. etc.

8.      Use bizarre metaphors. “Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?” “Shall I compare thee to a half-open-ed box of instant creamy potatoes mash-ed ?”

9.      When all else fails, throw '-th' at the end of a word. “Giveth me-eth that-eth.” (Though this tires very quickly.)

 

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Sword Play

 

All orientations are done using the stage as reference. Back is the back of the stage. Fore the front.

Always begin the fight by saying en garde. This cues your fellow improvisers that a sword fight is about to begin.

Because you know where the other person will be going with her/his sword the only thing to worrya bout is to have both mimed swords end in the same spot. It is even possible for one person to turn their back and fight and still make it look good. 

 

Always follow this pattern:

 

En garde-Swords cross at chest height.

Up

Down

Back

Fore

Up

Down

Back

Fore

Cross Swords-swords again cross at chest height, who it is closest to is entirely up to you.

Repeat sequence